Love who you are!! Make your life count!

I have not written in a minute.  There has been a whole lot going on. Today I am going to write about my goals for 2020. I was going to write about my crazy roller coaster of a ride year but I am not going to. It is almost over and I want to look forward to the new year.

 So this past year I started a new journey in my life. I started a weightloss program called GOLO. It has been a life saver. I have never before done anything that actually kept working. I have lost a total of 60 pounds since March. I have went from a size 26 to a size 18. That was an amazing accomplishment for me. I have not wore a size 18 since I was 18 years old. WOOP WOOP

  So over the year I learned new tools on how to succeed. One thing I have learned to to set goals. I have so many different kinds of goals I want to hit. I know I can't do them all at once. So I am going to be doing different challenges next year to start new healthy habits. They say it takes 21 days to start a habit. Over this past year I have already started the eating healthy habit. For years I abused my body. After having my first child I got so lazy. I quit brushing my hair, my teeth, and getting dressed. I just sat around watching tv.

  So After I started eating healthy I was like man I feel great I need to do more to feel this good. So instead of only brushing my teeth every couple days I started brushing every morning. I got into the habit of that and added night brushing. Then flossing and mouth wash. My mouth thanks me every day and I am sure the people around me do as well. HAHA. After I had gotten into the habit of that I added washing my face. I have an age spot on my face so I started using a cream morning and night.. It looks so much better. Almost gone!! Now that I have that habit I decided to start doing my eye make up. So now I went from crawling out of bed doing nothing to actually getting dressed. and making myself look as good as I feel. I had also added exercise into my habits. I have missed it these past few weeks.

 Ok so those were my goals I hit this past year.

 For 2020 I have some big goals. I want to 1. lose more weight of course. I am not going to set a number on how much I want to lose because as long as it comes off that is a goal hitter all on it's own. Besides improving myself I want to inspire others to do the same. I want others to know no matter how shitty your life is if you want to get healthy you can do it. Now I am not saying my life is shitty it is just crazy. Most peoples life is. I do have a lot of hard times ahead of me with my son and his DMD and now my dad with Stage 3B lung cancer. I have proved to myself with these struggles I can still keep on track.

 Before when something horrible happened I turned to food. Not anymore. Instead I turned to exercise. I found it was way more satisfying than eating. When my dad had surgery and we found out it was stage 3 I started to shut down. I started shaking and crying. Instead of grabbing cookies and my bed I put in my headphones cranked up some 90's grunge threw on my tennis shoes and headed to the track next to my house for a brisk cold walk that eased my soul!!

If you are reading this know you are not alone. Know we can all beat our struggles together. We are all unbreakable. We can achieve our goals no matter what.




You can follow me on instagram  and Amber Rush Myersdmdmom on facebook

                                     

The Struggle is Real

 Life sometimes sucks. Sometimes a persons life gets in their way and we have to learn to control it. I am so guilty of letting life get in my way to a healthier living. I am working really hard on changing that. I am working really hard on not letting the things I can not control get in my way. I am going to tell you a little about some of the things in my life I am trying to not let control me. If I do let it I will be back to the way I was before and that is not going to happen.


 So in recent post I have talked about depression and how I struggle with it on a daily basis. I also struggle with having a big heart and thinking I can save everyone. I am teaching myself I can't save who doesn't want to be saved.

  Having an addict in your family is horrible. Having several is a nightmare. I have 5 cousins on one side of my family and 3 of them are addicts. Before heroin came into our family we were really close. My cousins and I grew up more like siblings. So when drugs came into the picture it didn't just destroy them it destroyed us all.

 My life was easy. I had a nice home. A wonderful husband, 2 beautiful little boys I loved with my whole heart. Our home life was perfect. Besides Jude's disease everything was perfect. We were so happy. Then Heroin kicked all that perfection out the door. It literally turned our home into a chaos filled madhouse.

 One evening in August we got a phone call that my cousin was getting his kids removed by DCS and wanted us to take them. My husband and I were the only ones in the family who could take them. So we did. That is when Heroin came into our house. Before it was on the outside. We saw my cousins throwing everything away for this drug. So we have his kids. They had never had any kind of structure. It was crazy. we saw first hand what drugs does to not only the adults in the family but the kids. It was something I had never seen before. I sure the hell wasn't ready for all the craziness to come over the next few years.  I will just tell you I lost my shit. My nerves were an all time high.

Moving on.....

I have another cousin and we  used to be very close to. We grew up like she was my little sister. Over the past 4 years we have not been close at all. See Heroin took over her life. She lost everything shortly after her brother did. She lost her  husband, kids, us. It broke my heart!! I wanted to save her to fix her problems like I always did before. This time was different. Nothing I did, did any good. As a matter of fact it pushed her even further into that world. I felt like I failed her.

 So skipping ahead. It has been 4 years since heroin came into my life. It had a part in my falling apart even though it was not directly a part of me. I sat at home a lot an did nothing but worry about what my family members were out there doing.  I don't know why it wasn't like I could control what they were doing. I guess I was worried about them overdosing and the narcan not working this time. Or them overdosing and whoever they're with just leaves them to die. A lot of things went through my head.

  Then one day I woke up. I woke up looked in the mirror and saw what all that worrying and guilt for not being able to help them had done to me. I was letting their addiction control me. I had to stop and I had to stop right that minute. This was shortly before I started GOLO. I knew I had to get my mind in a good place. I just didn't have the tools to do it yet but I was about to find out.

 So I have told you about one of the thousands of things that has caused me to struggle. Like the addicts in my family. Now I am going to tell you again about the one thing that has given me the tools to not only get my body healthy but my mind as well. I know if you follow my blog you have read about GOLO. And how I am losing weight with it's help. It has also helped with getting my mind healthy.

 See all the worrying I did about my family and the things I couldn't control got better the more I followed the golo plan. I was feeling so stressed out and overwhelmed before. After starting Golo for a few months I stopped thinking about what my "addicts" were doing and started thinking about different ways to fix myself. At first I felt guilty as hell for pushing them into the back of my mind but I had to. I had to think of me. Who else will take care of all these kids and grandma  if I didn't fix me.

  Over a few months after starting the GOLO plan I just really started feeling more mentally stable. I do not know why but I do know I liked it. I liked not feeling so stressed. I liked feeling HEALTHY!!  I liked feeling like I wasn't failing everyone. And most of all I felt like I was me again.  It is crazy how things you can not control have such a huge impact on your mentality.

 Now I am not 100% over the worrying and the feeling of guilt. Whenever one cousin in particular calls it triggers those feelings. She is the only one who can get me like that now. I get so emotional. I cry and almost give in. I want to believe her. I want to save her for just a brief minute. After a day of being a mess I pick myself up again and clear my mind. Before I would have been a mess for weeks.  I now have the tools to not lose my shit over something I can not control.

I also want to add my cousin whom we adopted his children is thriving in his new found life. He has been sober for 2 years has a great job and doing him. His wife is also doing well and both are recovering!!

To everyone struggling with whatever is making you lose your shit. Know you are not alone. Know you can find the tools to get through this. You may just come across those tools like I did with GOLO. A commercial is all it took for me to find mine.

 I am going to close now. I want everyone to know I am here for anyone wanting to get over that hump in life. I will be on this journey for the rest of my lifeso you will never be alone.  To anyone who would like to follow me on this long journey you can follow me https://twitter.com/Amber_Myers0145 , instagram @amber.myers also Amber Rush Myersdmdmom on facebook. Please join me. I need all the support I can can get to make it through this. I know I can not do this on my own. No one can.
Together we are all!!