Learning to Live

It was January 2011. We had been waiting for a diagnosis for our son Jude. We were told it was more than likely Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. I had done a lot of looking up and was terrified. When it was confirmed I believe I just quit living.


  After Jude was diagnosed I put on a very good front. A lot of people told me your so Strong a lot of people would be freaking out. And I can't believe how well your handing this. Most of this came from the doctors and nurses and family. I am a pretty dam strong person. I can deal with a lot. I have dealt with a lot. I learned to be strong outside by my grandma. One of the toughest ladies I have ever known.  Dealing with it and dealing with it on the inside are 2 different things

  All the years dealing with the inevitable and the rest of the family's drama I lived in a dream world I guess you can say.  I was lost within myself. Going through the motions. Being who the expected me to be. Taking care of every body else and their stuff instead of taking care of me.

  I really started falling apart around 2015. Heroin had tore our family apart. My cousins were all on it their kids were being removed. It was horrible. One cousin called and asked us to take their kids. So we did. I had a lot going on with Jude but these kids needed us. They were our family and we were the only ones that were even stable enough to take them. Family takes care of family. We thought it was going to be a short term thing. It was a very bumpy roller coaster ride. I lost my all of my mental strength.. I wanted to give up. But something just didn't let me. Maybe knowing that these 2 kids and my own 2 kids needed me is what kept me going. I got case management which helped a lot mentally and my doctor medically. I was finally stable again and getting back to a place I could think. So we adopt the kids in April 2018.

  After all that my grandma got very sick and almost died twice.. I was so scared but I held on. Took control like I always do. For some reason when something happens in this family I am the one they all call. Guess it is a good thing I don't know. Sometimes I think it is a curse. Anyway, grandma is sick... She gets out of hospital and comes to stay with me. This was last year. 2018. So after we get her all healed up. We decide it would be best for her to move in with us. She now has an apartment in my garage and she is thriving. LOVE my granny!!!

 So After all this crazy and drama filled life. I woke up one day. I woke up and was like what the hell was that. What have I become. This is not me. I am a badass. I am Amber Fucking Rush!! I do not let things control me!! I am stronger than this. I had been working so hard on my physical self. I had started Golo and lost 40 pounds. and counting!! I was feeling great. Healthier than I have ever felt. If I can fix my body I can fix my mind also. HOW? by being the BITCH I have always been and win!!

 I am not completely healed. BUT I have the tools and the will to live again!! God it feels good to be back! It feels good to look forward to the day again!! It feels good to LOVE myself again!!

 If I can do it!! Anyone can!! We are all Unbreakable!!!!

My Golo Journey

  This is my GOLO story so far..........

  So I was always a big girl. After I had kids it just never came off. I always said oh it is baby fat it will fall off eventually but nope it just kept on coming on. I suffer from anxiety and depression so I don't really think that helped much with my weight problems. When my oldest son was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy I was thrown into a horrible depression. All I wanted to do was lay around, eat. and feel sorry for myself.  When you hear your only child has a life threatening disease there is no cure for you kinda lose your mind for a minute.  After I had my second child I got a little better with it all. I didn't try to lose weight or anything but the depression was under control and my will to live was better. Our life was peaceful and normal. And we sat around watched our babies grow.

  When my youngest was 2 we decided to go to Gulf Shores and visit my best friend. It was 2014.

I was so excited because I hadn't seen her in a few years. And because of my depression I didn't talk to anyone anymore so going all the way from Indiana to Alabama was a huge things for me. When we got there I was miserable. I couldn't sit outside with everyone because I swelled up. We went to the beach and I thought I was having a heat stroke just from walking from where we were sitting back to the car. I sat there on the beach a whopping 310 pounds huffing and puffing, heaving. I was so embarrassed. I finally got chilled enough I made it to the car. Let me just tell you that was one of the lowest days of my life.

 After we got back home I told myself I am going to get healthy. I am going to do something that was so embarrassing for myself and family. I did lose a little weight. About 40 pounds I was drinking a health shake. I started walking and it seemed to help. Then life happens again and when I get stressed I eat. ALOT!!

 We ended up adopting my cousins 2 kids in 2018. They came to live with us back in 2015. Between the time we got them and the time I started GOLO I had went from 290 all the way to 320.

  So here it is March 2019. Me and my daughter are sitting in the living room watching tv. Now this is where things start getting exciting. As were watching tv. a commercial comes on for GOLO. My daughter says Amber you should try that. Now I will be honest I had seen this commercial before several times and thought I should try that but then just said no I would probably just waste my money like I have with everything else. But there was something that clicked when my daughter said that. That night I got on my laptop and ordered the starter kit for GOLO. I will tell you I was so hesitant. But I have tried everything so why not? What do I have to lose besides a few bucks? Little did I know it would end up being a life changer!!!

 I was so excited when my kit came in. I read through the stuff and thought man I am not going to like some of this food so I will just get some of those frozen Birdseye dinners and lean cuisine's. The day I actually started was March 16, 2019 I weighed in at 320 pounds and my wait was 62 inches.

 So from March until about May I ate the frozen dinners started cleaning my house more. I was starting to feel better. I even was being social with other moms. I knew then that golo was actually helping me.  I had lost around 25 pounds by then so I decided to start trying some of the GOLO recipes. I started simple like with a GOLO oatmeal and a GOLO lunch and dinner.  After starting eating their recipes I was doing even better. My mood was improving so much. My activity levels were better than they had been in forever.

 By June we decided to get a pool pass for our town pool. I was scared to death going to the public pool. Kids can be cruel and so can some adults. But I never once was even given a second glance. At first anyways. For the first couple weeks I just laid in the sun. Got an awesome tan. Talked to a few mothers their with their kids. I started to feel comfortable. So one day as I was sitting there watching the kids play I decided I was going to get in the water. For some reason I just started walking back and forth in the pool doing laps. I got to there I could do 2 miles a day in the water. I was also going to water aerobics 2 nights a week. I was feeling amazing. I was getting exercise I was eating healthy. I was feeling my clothes get loser and most of all I was feeling happy again.


  The day came that we all dreaded (well kind of) the first day of school. I wouldn't be able to go to the pool everyday what was I going to do. I walked some around town. But it was still hot I do not do hot. For like 3 weeks I laid around. I was still feeling good still and weight was still coming off I was just feeling like I needed to do something. So I started going to a local church who lets people walk a walking track on a balcony. I can do 4 miles as long as my feet don't get all sore.

 So I have went from being an unhappy, depressed, anxious,  hot mess. To a healthier, not so much depressed or anxious hot mess. HAHA My life has changed more in the past 8 months because of GOLO and my lifestyle change than I thought it would have or could have.  Golo has been my salvation and I am so grateful for that night me and my daughter was watching tv. I still have a long way to go. Since starting GOLO i have lost 55 pounds and 8 inches around my waist. My clothes are all loose. I have clothes I had bought that didn't fit  I stashed them away saying I'll wear it one day to actually being able to wear it!!

   I know one thing I am so excited for more of this journey. I also know I haven't felt better in my life. I know there is just more good to come! I know with my GOLO family I can succeed. I have some stressful days ahead of me with finding out my dad has lung cancer, and my son and grandmas health issues it is going to get hard. BUT I am GOLO strong and unbreakable!!!

I got dressed today!!!

So today I actually got dressed!!

  There have been so many days so many months and so many years that I have just sat around in my pajamas. Or some comfy shorts just being lazy. I would do the necessary things to keep the house some what decent but that was about it. When I take kids to school I don't get out. When I pick them up I didn't get out of the car. Up until spring I never got out of the car. I sat in there in my pj pants and scratched off lottery tickets and ate a candy bar.

  Back in March I started this program called GOLO!!! For the past 6 months I have became more social. Instead of sitting in my car eating and gambling I have been getting out or walking to the school and talking to other parents. I've started out kind of slow. I slowly talk to a new person like every couple months haha.

  When school was out I actually went to the PUBLIC pool. That is when I really started getting social. I made some awesome friends who have been such a great support on this journey. The high school kids who worked there was absolutely amazing my kids made life time friends with them all. I also made friends with an awesome Scentsy lady!! Her husband was my youngest sons baseball coach. She is a hoot!! But if I hadn't actually gotten out of my house this past summer I wouldn't have met these great people.  I know now I have missed out on so much life these past 10 years.

  When summer was over I kept on being social. I walk some days if it is warm to pick kids up. If its not warm or it's to warm ha I will get out of the van and talk with a few other moms. One is Amy. Her little baby is the cutest little fella. And Of course my friend Angela!!  I also occasionally get to see my high school girls from the pool.

  So I got dressed today because I got out!! I am coming out of my shell. I am me again!! I want to look as good as I feel. I want all the people who are here encouraging me to carry on to see just how thankful and happy I am to have them in my life.

  So I will close with a little advice. If you stuck and just sitting there wasting for life to pass by because your over weight or depressed or whatever is going on get up. Take life back and own that shit!! We are not alone ever!!! We can and we will succeed!! And I will own this journey 100%

Oh how I love my cookbooks

        I wasn't going to post today but I had a great thing I wanted to share before it went away. HAHA

 I love new recipes. This wonderful program I am doing called Golo had some new ones they added to their website so today I went and printed several of them off. I have a special book I keep all of my golo recipes in. I feel a lot of people these day's don't really take time to sit a read a recipe. I mean the newer generations. Just becoming adults. Maybe even some people my age and older.

   So I will tell you more about my golo recipe book. I use this book every single day!! I use it for all three of my meals as well. All of the recipes in there are healthy, tasty, filling, and the best part easy!!!  Since using these recipes I have lost around 55 pounds since March 16, 2019!! I feel healthier than I have in years

 I can remember as a young child being at my grandma's houses and both of them always had a cook book sitting out on the cabinet and them standing up there with all kinds of ingredients making up something good to eat. Both my grandma's were the best cook. My grandma Rush made best rolls I had ever had. I remember as a child watching her just beat away on that dough. I think maybe she was thinking about her ex husband when she was beating the bread. HAHA. My other grandma who is still with us makes the best deserts like cakes and pies. OMG her peach cobbler is so good all warm with some ice cream. OK. Now I gotta stop that haha
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 I have an old metal basket I keep all mine and my grandma Treva's recipe books in. They stay out in the open. Around holiday season we get get one of those old recipe books out and make all our favorite recipes. We will make persimmon pudding and zucchini cake. and all kinds of candy and cakes.  She uses the recipes from the old church books. Those are always the best. They could cook back in the day!! I know all that sounds unhealthy and above I was talking about being healthy. Even though we will make all these treats we share with neighbors and family. I just enjoy all that time I get to spend with my grandma still especially since I am 40 and still have her!!  That is something special all on it's own. I love my grandma!! Also we are sharing these memories now with my daughter. We can carry this tradition on for generations like it has with me and my grandma's.

 I think I have rambled enough for now. I just wanted to share how much I love my cook books and what memories I have with them.  And how much they have changed my life.