Anything is possible!!

Well what a week this has been. I was not sick so that is a plus. I still did not get anything done. I mean it isn't like I don't actually do anything it is just the fact that my kids do not do anything at all to help me clean. Just mess. But I am told that is just what kids do. ERG Maybe one day I will get to have a clean house. Also this week I lost my Uncle Danny. He had a bad heart and did not live the greatest life. It is sad that he is gone because my aunt loved him so much In his older years he wasn't as mean as he was when he was younger and I got to where I liked him and wasn't afraid of him. It was just to bad.

 

 One another note I  did not lose any weight this past week. I did not get any exercise. I did hurt my hand hitting the punching bag. Also I spent some quality time with my uncle. Now this week I have got to kick it in gear. I didn't really have an appetite this week and I am thinking that is why I didn't lose anything. I also didn't get what water I need. So now that your all caught up on my week I have a great blog today. It has been a long time coming and it shows me again anything is possible if you just work hard and put your mind to it!

   So about 4 and a half years ago my cousin Josh called and asked if Troy and I would take their kids. His wife had Over dosed on heroin and DCS was coming to take the kids. His wife was ok thank god. Anyway over the 3 years the kids were in state custody we didn't think they would get clean. My cousin was in jail a lot and eventually went to prison for a few years. The kids mom on the other hand went deeper and deeper into the drug life. There was no coming back it seemed. DCS decided it was time to terminate rights so my cousins and his wife decided to sign over if my husband and I adopted them. So we did. 

 Now over the past 2 years the kids have been with me and my husband. We adopted them April 19, 2018. I had so many mixed emotions about everything and the past almost 2 years have been crazy but things are looking so bright. Now I was the biggest skeptic when it came to my cousin and his wife. He is now out of prison. He did some time in work release and is now on house arrest but we all know if your going to fuck up you will while in work release. So he got a good job he has a nice house and is doing great. We had let the kids see him a few times since we adopted them while he was in work release. 

 The kids have not seen their bio mom in 2 years. She went off the deep end. I know I was so scared for her life. I did not want to have to tell my kids their biological mom was dead. For so long it looked like it would happen. Then after my cousin was at work one day Amanda's dad showed up at his work with her because they were sill married wanting Josh to put her in rehab. I don't know what all was said but I know she said if Josh would talk to her she would go. Josh talked to her. And something great happened. I was pissed. I was so scared she would get him back into drugs and he would go back to prison. He was doing so good!! I was wrong!!

 For weeks while it was hotter than hell Amanda sat in Josh's truck every day. He worked she slept in the truck then at the end of the day her dad got her. This went on for a while. I mean I couldn't believe it. I was still waiting for them to fail. They both kept working kept staying sober. Then around Thanksgiving  Josh calls he got great news he was getting out of work release and was getting to move into a house he had been renting out in the country for months. I was so proud of him and said please don't let Amanda move in with you. I know she is doing good she now had a job and had been sober for 6 months. Longest she had ever been sober. I was still so leery. Well when he got to move into his house there she went with him.   Again  I was scared. But after they lived together for about a month I saw just how good they were doing. We decided it we were going to video chat at Christmas. It went really good. I got to see Amanda face to face basically and I was so happy to see HER!! SHE was Amanda again!! OMG I praised the lord. But of course I was still so scared to let the kids see her in person. Now I am going to tell you what changed my mind about it all.

 So I have come to the conclusion that my weight problem has been because of many issues. I believe I have a food addiction along with stress eating, depression, anxiety. So just here recently I sat down and thought about Josh and Amanda and how they are overcoming their addiction to drugs. I saw that it was not so much different than what I am going through. I mean think about it. What was my go to when I was stressed or upset? What did I crave everyday? Food!! Just like them going to drugs I went to food. It was just like a ton of bricks that hit me right in the face. It was like I woke up and saw things differently once I realized we were not that much different. I have worked really hard the last 11 months on myself. Working on my mental issues that make me think I had to shove that cupcake down my throat. Let me tell you I am by far cured but I have learned to stop and breathe. Don't just run right to the fridge. I am learning to turn to exercise or meditation when I am getting worked up. I tried boxing one time this past week and well that didn't go to well.

  Anyway, the past couple weeks I have sat and thought about all this and Josh has been really wanting us to come see his house and bring the kids so I just said fuck it. Lets do this. Let's give this a try. Let's see if we can be a family again. I mean I know it isn't going to go back to the way it was. You know with Jaden and Sophie going back to them for good and us just giving them up because that will never happen. BUT We can all be parents to Jaden and Sophia. Hell we can all work together to raise all 4 kids. That is what family does. Kids need all the love and support they can get. Yes Josh and Amanda fucked up but they are proving everyday how hard they are working and just how much they want to be in the kids lives. 

 Between all of us and our addictions and our overcoming them and working together to build each other up and becoming the family we are meant to be proves that if you want it bad enough anything is possible. I don't care what your going through. Nothing is impossible. 

When I started my Golo journey I was at rock bottom. I was 320 pounds. Couldn't even go up and down my stairs without getting winded. Now I am 255 pounds and can run up and down my stairs a few times before getting winded.  I was so unhappy. I yelled at the kids a lot. I never got dressed. Hell the only time I left my house was to go to the store and to take kids to and from school. That isn't living. That is just being there. A blob just wasting space. Noe I am living and fucking loving it!! I am happier than I have ever been. My kids are getting happier everyday. My husband is always happy haha. He is so wonderful. We have all came such a long way and it feels so good to be able to enjoy all of our hard work. 

 I will no longer judge a person because of their struggles Instead I am going to build those up that are showing they want it!! Now if you don't show you want it I am not going to even bother. I have wasted so much time trying to get people to be better that didn't want to be. So I am focusing my time on the ones that do want it. I want to continue to better myself and grow. Grow into the person I was meant to be. Be the mother and wife I am meant to be. I am a BEAUTIFUL BADASS!! I am unbreakable and will succeed and so will you if you want it bad enough. My cousins and myself are proof ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!