Love who you are!! Make your life count!

I have not written in a minute.  There has been a whole lot going on. Today I am going to write about my goals for 2020. I was going to write about my crazy roller coaster of a ride year but I am not going to. It is almost over and I want to look forward to the new year.

 So this past year I started a new journey in my life. I started a weightloss program called GOLO. It has been a life saver. I have never before done anything that actually kept working. I have lost a total of 60 pounds since March. I have went from a size 26 to a size 18. That was an amazing accomplishment for me. I have not wore a size 18 since I was 18 years old. WOOP WOOP

  So over the year I learned new tools on how to succeed. One thing I have learned to to set goals. I have so many different kinds of goals I want to hit. I know I can't do them all at once. So I am going to be doing different challenges next year to start new healthy habits. They say it takes 21 days to start a habit. Over this past year I have already started the eating healthy habit. For years I abused my body. After having my first child I got so lazy. I quit brushing my hair, my teeth, and getting dressed. I just sat around watching tv.

  So After I started eating healthy I was like man I feel great I need to do more to feel this good. So instead of only brushing my teeth every couple days I started brushing every morning. I got into the habit of that and added night brushing. Then flossing and mouth wash. My mouth thanks me every day and I am sure the people around me do as well. HAHA. After I had gotten into the habit of that I added washing my face. I have an age spot on my face so I started using a cream morning and night.. It looks so much better. Almost gone!! Now that I have that habit I decided to start doing my eye make up. So now I went from crawling out of bed doing nothing to actually getting dressed. and making myself look as good as I feel. I had also added exercise into my habits. I have missed it these past few weeks.

 Ok so those were my goals I hit this past year.

 For 2020 I have some big goals. I want to 1. lose more weight of course. I am not going to set a number on how much I want to lose because as long as it comes off that is a goal hitter all on it's own. Besides improving myself I want to inspire others to do the same. I want others to know no matter how shitty your life is if you want to get healthy you can do it. Now I am not saying my life is shitty it is just crazy. Most peoples life is. I do have a lot of hard times ahead of me with my son and his DMD and now my dad with Stage 3B lung cancer. I have proved to myself with these struggles I can still keep on track.

 Before when something horrible happened I turned to food. Not anymore. Instead I turned to exercise. I found it was way more satisfying than eating. When my dad had surgery and we found out it was stage 3 I started to shut down. I started shaking and crying. Instead of grabbing cookies and my bed I put in my headphones cranked up some 90's grunge threw on my tennis shoes and headed to the track next to my house for a brisk cold walk that eased my soul!!

If you are reading this know you are not alone. Know we can all beat our struggles together. We are all unbreakable. We can achieve our goals no matter what.




You can follow me on instagram  and Amber Rush Myersdmdmom on facebook

                                     

The Struggle is Real

 Life sometimes sucks. Sometimes a persons life gets in their way and we have to learn to control it. I am so guilty of letting life get in my way to a healthier living. I am working really hard on changing that. I am working really hard on not letting the things I can not control get in my way. I am going to tell you a little about some of the things in my life I am trying to not let control me. If I do let it I will be back to the way I was before and that is not going to happen.


 So in recent post I have talked about depression and how I struggle with it on a daily basis. I also struggle with having a big heart and thinking I can save everyone. I am teaching myself I can't save who doesn't want to be saved.

  Having an addict in your family is horrible. Having several is a nightmare. I have 5 cousins on one side of my family and 3 of them are addicts. Before heroin came into our family we were really close. My cousins and I grew up more like siblings. So when drugs came into the picture it didn't just destroy them it destroyed us all.

 My life was easy. I had a nice home. A wonderful husband, 2 beautiful little boys I loved with my whole heart. Our home life was perfect. Besides Jude's disease everything was perfect. We were so happy. Then Heroin kicked all that perfection out the door. It literally turned our home into a chaos filled madhouse.

 One evening in August we got a phone call that my cousin was getting his kids removed by DCS and wanted us to take them. My husband and I were the only ones in the family who could take them. So we did. That is when Heroin came into our house. Before it was on the outside. We saw my cousins throwing everything away for this drug. So we have his kids. They had never had any kind of structure. It was crazy. we saw first hand what drugs does to not only the adults in the family but the kids. It was something I had never seen before. I sure the hell wasn't ready for all the craziness to come over the next few years.  I will just tell you I lost my shit. My nerves were an all time high.

Moving on.....

I have another cousin and we  used to be very close to. We grew up like she was my little sister. Over the past 4 years we have not been close at all. See Heroin took over her life. She lost everything shortly after her brother did. She lost her  husband, kids, us. It broke my heart!! I wanted to save her to fix her problems like I always did before. This time was different. Nothing I did, did any good. As a matter of fact it pushed her even further into that world. I felt like I failed her.

 So skipping ahead. It has been 4 years since heroin came into my life. It had a part in my falling apart even though it was not directly a part of me. I sat at home a lot an did nothing but worry about what my family members were out there doing.  I don't know why it wasn't like I could control what they were doing. I guess I was worried about them overdosing and the narcan not working this time. Or them overdosing and whoever they're with just leaves them to die. A lot of things went through my head.

  Then one day I woke up. I woke up looked in the mirror and saw what all that worrying and guilt for not being able to help them had done to me. I was letting their addiction control me. I had to stop and I had to stop right that minute. This was shortly before I started GOLO. I knew I had to get my mind in a good place. I just didn't have the tools to do it yet but I was about to find out.

 So I have told you about one of the thousands of things that has caused me to struggle. Like the addicts in my family. Now I am going to tell you again about the one thing that has given me the tools to not only get my body healthy but my mind as well. I know if you follow my blog you have read about GOLO. And how I am losing weight with it's help. It has also helped with getting my mind healthy.

 See all the worrying I did about my family and the things I couldn't control got better the more I followed the golo plan. I was feeling so stressed out and overwhelmed before. After starting Golo for a few months I stopped thinking about what my "addicts" were doing and started thinking about different ways to fix myself. At first I felt guilty as hell for pushing them into the back of my mind but I had to. I had to think of me. Who else will take care of all these kids and grandma  if I didn't fix me.

  Over a few months after starting the GOLO plan I just really started feeling more mentally stable. I do not know why but I do know I liked it. I liked not feeling so stressed. I liked feeling HEALTHY!!  I liked feeling like I wasn't failing everyone. And most of all I felt like I was me again.  It is crazy how things you can not control have such a huge impact on your mentality.

 Now I am not 100% over the worrying and the feeling of guilt. Whenever one cousin in particular calls it triggers those feelings. She is the only one who can get me like that now. I get so emotional. I cry and almost give in. I want to believe her. I want to save her for just a brief minute. After a day of being a mess I pick myself up again and clear my mind. Before I would have been a mess for weeks.  I now have the tools to not lose my shit over something I can not control.

I also want to add my cousin whom we adopted his children is thriving in his new found life. He has been sober for 2 years has a great job and doing him. His wife is also doing well and both are recovering!!

To everyone struggling with whatever is making you lose your shit. Know you are not alone. Know you can find the tools to get through this. You may just come across those tools like I did with GOLO. A commercial is all it took for me to find mine.

 I am going to close now. I want everyone to know I am here for anyone wanting to get over that hump in life. I will be on this journey for the rest of my lifeso you will never be alone.  To anyone who would like to follow me on this long journey you can follow me https://twitter.com/Amber_Myers0145 , instagram @amber.myers also Amber Rush Myersdmdmom on facebook. Please join me. I need all the support I can can get to make it through this. I know I can not do this on my own. No one can.
Together we are all!!

Learning to Live

It was January 2011. We had been waiting for a diagnosis for our son Jude. We were told it was more than likely Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. I had done a lot of looking up and was terrified. When it was confirmed I believe I just quit living.


  After Jude was diagnosed I put on a very good front. A lot of people told me your so Strong a lot of people would be freaking out. And I can't believe how well your handing this. Most of this came from the doctors and nurses and family. I am a pretty dam strong person. I can deal with a lot. I have dealt with a lot. I learned to be strong outside by my grandma. One of the toughest ladies I have ever known.  Dealing with it and dealing with it on the inside are 2 different things

  All the years dealing with the inevitable and the rest of the family's drama I lived in a dream world I guess you can say.  I was lost within myself. Going through the motions. Being who the expected me to be. Taking care of every body else and their stuff instead of taking care of me.

  I really started falling apart around 2015. Heroin had tore our family apart. My cousins were all on it their kids were being removed. It was horrible. One cousin called and asked us to take their kids. So we did. I had a lot going on with Jude but these kids needed us. They were our family and we were the only ones that were even stable enough to take them. Family takes care of family. We thought it was going to be a short term thing. It was a very bumpy roller coaster ride. I lost my all of my mental strength.. I wanted to give up. But something just didn't let me. Maybe knowing that these 2 kids and my own 2 kids needed me is what kept me going. I got case management which helped a lot mentally and my doctor medically. I was finally stable again and getting back to a place I could think. So we adopt the kids in April 2018.

  After all that my grandma got very sick and almost died twice.. I was so scared but I held on. Took control like I always do. For some reason when something happens in this family I am the one they all call. Guess it is a good thing I don't know. Sometimes I think it is a curse. Anyway, grandma is sick... She gets out of hospital and comes to stay with me. This was last year. 2018. So after we get her all healed up. We decide it would be best for her to move in with us. She now has an apartment in my garage and she is thriving. LOVE my granny!!!

 So After all this crazy and drama filled life. I woke up one day. I woke up and was like what the hell was that. What have I become. This is not me. I am a badass. I am Amber Fucking Rush!! I do not let things control me!! I am stronger than this. I had been working so hard on my physical self. I had started Golo and lost 40 pounds. and counting!! I was feeling great. Healthier than I have ever felt. If I can fix my body I can fix my mind also. HOW? by being the BITCH I have always been and win!!

 I am not completely healed. BUT I have the tools and the will to live again!! God it feels good to be back! It feels good to look forward to the day again!! It feels good to LOVE myself again!!

 If I can do it!! Anyone can!! We are all Unbreakable!!!!

My Golo Journey

  This is my GOLO story so far..........

  So I was always a big girl. After I had kids it just never came off. I always said oh it is baby fat it will fall off eventually but nope it just kept on coming on. I suffer from anxiety and depression so I don't really think that helped much with my weight problems. When my oldest son was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy I was thrown into a horrible depression. All I wanted to do was lay around, eat. and feel sorry for myself.  When you hear your only child has a life threatening disease there is no cure for you kinda lose your mind for a minute.  After I had my second child I got a little better with it all. I didn't try to lose weight or anything but the depression was under control and my will to live was better. Our life was peaceful and normal. And we sat around watched our babies grow.

  When my youngest was 2 we decided to go to Gulf Shores and visit my best friend. It was 2014.

I was so excited because I hadn't seen her in a few years. And because of my depression I didn't talk to anyone anymore so going all the way from Indiana to Alabama was a huge things for me. When we got there I was miserable. I couldn't sit outside with everyone because I swelled up. We went to the beach and I thought I was having a heat stroke just from walking from where we were sitting back to the car. I sat there on the beach a whopping 310 pounds huffing and puffing, heaving. I was so embarrassed. I finally got chilled enough I made it to the car. Let me just tell you that was one of the lowest days of my life.

 After we got back home I told myself I am going to get healthy. I am going to do something that was so embarrassing for myself and family. I did lose a little weight. About 40 pounds I was drinking a health shake. I started walking and it seemed to help. Then life happens again and when I get stressed I eat. ALOT!!

 We ended up adopting my cousins 2 kids in 2018. They came to live with us back in 2015. Between the time we got them and the time I started GOLO I had went from 290 all the way to 320.

  So here it is March 2019. Me and my daughter are sitting in the living room watching tv. Now this is where things start getting exciting. As were watching tv. a commercial comes on for GOLO. My daughter says Amber you should try that. Now I will be honest I had seen this commercial before several times and thought I should try that but then just said no I would probably just waste my money like I have with everything else. But there was something that clicked when my daughter said that. That night I got on my laptop and ordered the starter kit for GOLO. I will tell you I was so hesitant. But I have tried everything so why not? What do I have to lose besides a few bucks? Little did I know it would end up being a life changer!!!

 I was so excited when my kit came in. I read through the stuff and thought man I am not going to like some of this food so I will just get some of those frozen Birdseye dinners and lean cuisine's. The day I actually started was March 16, 2019 I weighed in at 320 pounds and my wait was 62 inches.

 So from March until about May I ate the frozen dinners started cleaning my house more. I was starting to feel better. I even was being social with other moms. I knew then that golo was actually helping me.  I had lost around 25 pounds by then so I decided to start trying some of the GOLO recipes. I started simple like with a GOLO oatmeal and a GOLO lunch and dinner.  After starting eating their recipes I was doing even better. My mood was improving so much. My activity levels were better than they had been in forever.

 By June we decided to get a pool pass for our town pool. I was scared to death going to the public pool. Kids can be cruel and so can some adults. But I never once was even given a second glance. At first anyways. For the first couple weeks I just laid in the sun. Got an awesome tan. Talked to a few mothers their with their kids. I started to feel comfortable. So one day as I was sitting there watching the kids play I decided I was going to get in the water. For some reason I just started walking back and forth in the pool doing laps. I got to there I could do 2 miles a day in the water. I was also going to water aerobics 2 nights a week. I was feeling amazing. I was getting exercise I was eating healthy. I was feeling my clothes get loser and most of all I was feeling happy again.


  The day came that we all dreaded (well kind of) the first day of school. I wouldn't be able to go to the pool everyday what was I going to do. I walked some around town. But it was still hot I do not do hot. For like 3 weeks I laid around. I was still feeling good still and weight was still coming off I was just feeling like I needed to do something. So I started going to a local church who lets people walk a walking track on a balcony. I can do 4 miles as long as my feet don't get all sore.

 So I have went from being an unhappy, depressed, anxious,  hot mess. To a healthier, not so much depressed or anxious hot mess. HAHA My life has changed more in the past 8 months because of GOLO and my lifestyle change than I thought it would have or could have.  Golo has been my salvation and I am so grateful for that night me and my daughter was watching tv. I still have a long way to go. Since starting GOLO i have lost 55 pounds and 8 inches around my waist. My clothes are all loose. I have clothes I had bought that didn't fit  I stashed them away saying I'll wear it one day to actually being able to wear it!!

   I know one thing I am so excited for more of this journey. I also know I haven't felt better in my life. I know there is just more good to come! I know with my GOLO family I can succeed. I have some stressful days ahead of me with finding out my dad has lung cancer, and my son and grandmas health issues it is going to get hard. BUT I am GOLO strong and unbreakable!!!

I got dressed today!!!

So today I actually got dressed!!

  There have been so many days so many months and so many years that I have just sat around in my pajamas. Or some comfy shorts just being lazy. I would do the necessary things to keep the house some what decent but that was about it. When I take kids to school I don't get out. When I pick them up I didn't get out of the car. Up until spring I never got out of the car. I sat in there in my pj pants and scratched off lottery tickets and ate a candy bar.

  Back in March I started this program called GOLO!!! For the past 6 months I have became more social. Instead of sitting in my car eating and gambling I have been getting out or walking to the school and talking to other parents. I've started out kind of slow. I slowly talk to a new person like every couple months haha.

  When school was out I actually went to the PUBLIC pool. That is when I really started getting social. I made some awesome friends who have been such a great support on this journey. The high school kids who worked there was absolutely amazing my kids made life time friends with them all. I also made friends with an awesome Scentsy lady!! Her husband was my youngest sons baseball coach. She is a hoot!! But if I hadn't actually gotten out of my house this past summer I wouldn't have met these great people.  I know now I have missed out on so much life these past 10 years.

  When summer was over I kept on being social. I walk some days if it is warm to pick kids up. If its not warm or it's to warm ha I will get out of the van and talk with a few other moms. One is Amy. Her little baby is the cutest little fella. And Of course my friend Angela!!  I also occasionally get to see my high school girls from the pool.

  So I got dressed today because I got out!! I am coming out of my shell. I am me again!! I want to look as good as I feel. I want all the people who are here encouraging me to carry on to see just how thankful and happy I am to have them in my life.

  So I will close with a little advice. If you stuck and just sitting there wasting for life to pass by because your over weight or depressed or whatever is going on get up. Take life back and own that shit!! We are not alone ever!!! We can and we will succeed!! And I will own this journey 100%

Oh how I love my cookbooks

        I wasn't going to post today but I had a great thing I wanted to share before it went away. HAHA

 I love new recipes. This wonderful program I am doing called Golo had some new ones they added to their website so today I went and printed several of them off. I have a special book I keep all of my golo recipes in. I feel a lot of people these day's don't really take time to sit a read a recipe. I mean the newer generations. Just becoming adults. Maybe even some people my age and older.

   So I will tell you more about my golo recipe book. I use this book every single day!! I use it for all three of my meals as well. All of the recipes in there are healthy, tasty, filling, and the best part easy!!!  Since using these recipes I have lost around 55 pounds since March 16, 2019!! I feel healthier than I have in years

 I can remember as a young child being at my grandma's houses and both of them always had a cook book sitting out on the cabinet and them standing up there with all kinds of ingredients making up something good to eat. Both my grandma's were the best cook. My grandma Rush made best rolls I had ever had. I remember as a child watching her just beat away on that dough. I think maybe she was thinking about her ex husband when she was beating the bread. HAHA. My other grandma who is still with us makes the best deserts like cakes and pies. OMG her peach cobbler is so good all warm with some ice cream. OK. Now I gotta stop that haha
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 I have an old metal basket I keep all mine and my grandma Treva's recipe books in. They stay out in the open. Around holiday season we get get one of those old recipe books out and make all our favorite recipes. We will make persimmon pudding and zucchini cake. and all kinds of candy and cakes.  She uses the recipes from the old church books. Those are always the best. They could cook back in the day!! I know all that sounds unhealthy and above I was talking about being healthy. Even though we will make all these treats we share with neighbors and family. I just enjoy all that time I get to spend with my grandma still especially since I am 40 and still have her!!  That is something special all on it's own. I love my grandma!! Also we are sharing these memories now with my daughter. We can carry this tradition on for generations like it has with me and my grandma's.

 I think I have rambled enough for now. I just wanted to share how much I love my cook books and what memories I have with them.  And how much they have changed my life.

 

 

Just me redo

So earlier I made a blog about my past. I deleted it because it's just that the past. I do not live in the past anymore. So instead of telling about my child hood. I am just going to tell you about me. What I have done in my life that has lead me to who I am today. It may be in more than one post. It may all come out in this one. I really don't know yet. But I am not going to talk about my childhood. I do not want to hurt anyone by dredging up shit that can't be changed and that is over. I am a grown ass woman and I am a bad ass through and through.

  So I suffer from depression and anxiety pretty bad. Right now I have it under control for the most part.  I take meds and I am working on a healthier me. I do an amazing program called Golo that has also helped with my depression.

 I have been told I was a depressed child. I can see why. I know I was a depressed teenager but most teens are depressed. I did  not handle mine very well back then. I was very defiant. I drank a lot of beer. I ran around all hours of the night and did whatever I wanted. At the time I lived with my grandma Rush. She babied me so bad.

  When I turned 20 my grandma who I lived with Died 2 days after my birthday. I couldn't handle it. I was holding her hand when she took her last breath. That sent me into a downward spiral that no one could help me get out of. I was so weak minded. I literally wanted to die. I wanted to be laid right next to her. I felt like I had no one. No one that loved me. No one I could turn to. I did have people I just didn't see them. I felt so alone for so long. That year was one of the  worst years of my life.

 It was 1999. In January a good fiend of mine had been killed in a house fire. He was a volunteer fire fighter. Frog. He was like a big brother. Then in February my grandma dies from cancer. And I had another major loss in August that year my Uncle Jimmy Lee was also killed in a house fire. He had went to sleep and his air conditioner shorted out setting his house on fire. He had burns over 80% of his body. He died of smoke inhalation.  So for my young mind I totally lost it.

 So after all the heartache I endured that year I just kind lived in a fog. I worked, partied, worked, partied. I pushed away friends. Family. Everyone really. Even my very best friend Breah. I never should have because she was always there for me. She was more a friend we became soul sisters. And will be for life!!

  I moved from the town I lived in to the town I live in now about 4 years after my grandma passed. I actually moved above a bar. Imagine that. Easy access to the party and didn't have to worry about drinking and driving home. But something amazing happened while I lived there. I met my soul mate. Troy.  I immediately moved from that place in with a friend who introduced us.

  I became pregnant with our first child. While pregnant I gained a lot of weight. I never got that off. After we had our first child we got pregnant 2 more times but miscarried. That piled on more heartache and depression. That lead to eating and feeling sorry for myself.  Then the worst thing possible happened. My son was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. But we found out I was not a carrier so we had another child. My baby Brodie. I was happy. My life was good besides the paralyzing diagnosis of my oldest.

   When Brodie was about 3 I started working out. I was doing a program called Idealshape. I did great I lost 40 pounds quick. Then The shit hit the fan. I got a call from one of my cousins. The CPS was going taking their kids away and wanted to know if I would take them. Of course I said yes. Family takes care of family. Plus I figured it would be like a 3 month stint. Boy was I wrong. Over the past 5 years I have had some severe depression and anxiety. My now daughter was horribly behaved. So that set my anxiety and depression through the roof.

 And all that weight I had lost came back and then some. I was so miserable. I know there were days I just sat on my couch and would eat an entire box of swiss cake rolls. It was awful. I had days when I would go to the doctor crying I told him I knew why people killed themselves now. Boy he didn't waste any time getting me fixed up. He helped me get my depression under control. We ended up adopting the 2 children. and I continued to be fat.

 To some my life seems like a soap opera. And well shit it is. Everyone has family drama. But over the last 7 months I have learned so much. I have learned to stop and breath and don't let everyone Else's shit drag you down. I heave learned to take care of my own shit. I have learned to take control of myself again. When I was young I had all kinds of attitude. I would walk into a room like I owned it. I had no fear. It may have been the alcohol I don't know.

 But today I feel like I am me. The real me. I am feeling more confident. I am eating healthy. I am working out. I am down 55 pounds. I am taking control of issues that need to be taken control of. I am not living in the past I am not letting my depression win!! This post may be kind of all over the place. It is supposed to be about how I became heavy and how I am taking care of it now. It is supposed to show how much depression can control your life.

 If anyone gets anything out of this post. I want it to be. Don't let your brain take over your life. If you do you will fall in that hole and let me tell you it took me so many years to get out of it.  Now that I have the right tools to do what needs to be done I will never look back!! I will continue to be the bad ass I was born to be. I will kick this weights ass. I will kick depression and anxiety to the curb. I will succeed.

 

Sometime's kids can be cruel

 Today I am going to discuss bullying. there was an incident yesterday and it really has my head spinning. I almost lost my shit. My child was being bullied and said he was going to kill himself he had a plan and it absolutely terrified me!!

    I will start at the beginning. It all started when my son Jude was in third grade. He had horrible anxiety and would pick his skin and leave sores on his arms. I would buy sleeves to cover his arms so he wouldn't pick but it didn't work. Anyway, kids would corner him and call him scab boy. Because of his DMD he wasn't as fast as they were so they would make fun of him for that. He would have behaviour outburst because of the bullying. Cussing spells so he would be the one to get into trouble at school. I asked him why he did that and he said I am not strong enough to fight back so I use words. I do not know how many trips I made to the school that year. The teacher at the time was not helpful at all. He basically let things happen. It was just horrible.

  There was 3 kids that were doing this to Jude. One of the kids mom's called me she had caught the kids being cruel to Jude and she wanted to make it stop. She had talked to her son and told him your bullying a kid because of his disability. This child has High Functioning autism. After realizing this he changed. He quit. He became a very good friend to Jude. He is a good kid and we love him to death now.   The other 2 kids one was actually a distant relative of ours and had a troubled home life. The other kid also had a troubled home life. But that is no excuse to hurt another kid. Bring that kid down. At the end of the school year we had had enough. The school was not doing anything about these other kids so I told Jude to take it in his own hands. So he did. The main kid was bothering Jude the last day of school so Jude dumped his food tray on him and called him a bad name. Of course he got into trouble. I went to pick him up and I said to him right in front of the principal. You did good. No one else was going to help you so you did what you had to do. I also looked at the principal and told her he is not in trouble you should have stopped this sooner!!

  So moving forward to the next couple years. Jude had more behavior problems which a lot was  from the bullying but also because kids with DMD have issues.. The brain is a muscle and it causes different behaviors. Jude was also still bullied a little in 4th grade but in 5th and 6th the bullies had moved to another school and he had some relief. But those issues were still going on in his head. He became very depressed. One teacher in 5th grade told me at a school meeting that he was the most depressed kid she had seen. It broke my heart. I do everything I can to make his life easy. But I know now it has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with his past and his struggles.

 Now lets move to yesterday. It started at lunch. His friends which by the way are all girls. Were sitting at a table he couldn't get to with his wheelchair. So he started feeling sorry for himself. He went to the lunch detention room and sat for the remainder of lunch by himself. After lunch he went to 4th period and because he was already depressed and feeling sorry for himself he started acting annoying. Another kid started threatening Jude saying I want to hit him. I would hit him but his mom would sue the school and me. So since he couldn't hit Jude the kid decided to think it was ok to start making fun of him for being in a wheelchair. He was saying why are you in a chair when you can walk why do you need a $6,000 chair when you could use a Cain. Why do you need shoes if your in a chair. and saying some really cruel things. So Jude said I am just going to slit my own throat.

  Come to find out Jude had a plan. His plan was to make it look like someone pushed him out of his chair by some stairs so his neck would be broke and he would die. I was sick after hearing this. I already worry every single day my baby will lose his life early because of his DMD. It is my worst fear. This morning I was terrified to send him to school. I was so scared someone would say something bad to him and he would just say screw it and drive his chair down the stairs himself. The school counselor called this morning and I told her all that had happened after I picked Jude up and asked if I could come one day and talk with the kids about Jude's disease. I am hoping they are old enough to hear the ugly terrifying truth of his disease. I am hoping they will hear and not be so cruel. I am hoping that they will all love one another.

    Kids can be cruel. Sometimes it is the parents fault. Sometimes it is not. Sometimes kids just don't  understand how words can be deadly. Kids are not like they were in my day they are weak minded.
We as the older generation need to start teaching our children to be strong and kind. I as a parent need to teach my kids to be stronger and kinder. We need to teach our kids about how ugly and scary real life is. We want to protect them from the big bad world when we need to be making them ready for the big bad world. I am just as guilty.  And as of today I will be teaching my kids life is not fun and games. Life is hard. But we have to be strong pull our pants up and hit that day like it is our last. Make it count. Make something of ourselves. Make our life great.

 So my words of advice today go for all parents and adults. And mostly to myself. Teach your kids to not be so cruel. Teach them to love one another. Once day that person you made fun of may not be there the next day because of something you may have said to them that hurt them.

     And to parents who's children are the bullied. Teach them to love themselves. Teach them to be strong and get them help ASAP!!

Sunday Fun Day!!

  Happy Sunday everyone!!

 For me Sunday is meal prep day. So today I have made Cheesy Chicken Penne for my lunch this week. It is a GOLO recipe and one of my favorites at that. 

I am going to tell you a little about how GOLO has changed my life! I mean changed it for the better. I have literally tried everything from eating nothing but salad to fasting to when I was younger (this was very dumb) but I ate nothing but M&M's and drink water for a few weeks. That was tough. HAHA But I was young and dumb and had no clue what I was doing,

 Now I have been heavy my entire life. I started getting fat when I was in third grade. I was made fun of on a daily basis. That just made me depressed and eat more so I gained more and more over the years. When I was 16 years old I weighed in at 225 pounds. By the time I was 25 and met my husband I weighed 270. We have been together for 14 years and right before I found GOLO I was my heaviest at 320. I was miserable. I was depressed worse than ever. Anxiety through the roof. Wouldn't go out hardly in public. I just wanted to stay home I was worried what people said about me. I didn't want kids to look at me I had a time when some kids laughed at me when I was walking between cars. It really bothered me.

  When I started Golo back in March I was really discouraged at first because I was afraid I wouldn't like the food and I didn't want to prepare for the week. I was lazy. So I just took the pills and ate a lot of Birdseye frozen meals. I know I probably shouldn't have eaten that but I did. I still lost weight. About mid may I decided it was time to try some golo recipes. So my first time making one was the Cheesy Chicken Penne. I didn't like spinach so I was really really afraid to try it but I did anyway and OMG it was the best!! I loved it.. I still love it!! I will make a batch of that and just eat it for lunch all week. I am one of those that can eat the same thing just about every day.
 
 After trying the cheesy chicken penne I decided I was game for trying other. I made the coffee rubbed steak, then the meatloaf cupcakes and so on and so on.  I absolutely fell in love with so many recipes. I also do not mind meal prepping anymore. It actually makes my life way easier. I meal prep usually for 4 days at a time for myself. Like I said I can eat the same thing just about every day it does not bother me at all. Now for dinner I only prep for 2 days at a time because my husband has gotten to where he would rather have my golo food than what I cook for everyone else. HA!!

  The way meal prep has made my life easier is instead of standing over the stove every day I can do other things. Like on Mondays Wednesday and Fridays I clean my entire house. Yes my entire house!!   Now I have so much more time to do things I want and need to do. I don't have to worry about what I am going to cook for dinner or what I was going to have my husband bring home to eat. It is already done. I even meal prep for the rest of the family. It is just so freeing.

 Some examples of what I do now is exercise. I try to walk at least 2 days a week I do 4 miles each day. Also 2 day's a week I do aerobics. I love my aerobics class. I do not feel rushed. I can take my grandma or son to the doctors office and not worry about what I am going to eat for lunch. I already have it done. I just warm it up before I leave my house and when it is time to eat I eat. Yes sometimes people look at me but I don't care anymore. I am getting healthy. Also a lot of the time when people see what I am eating they ask what it is because it looks so yummy!!

 The Title of this blog is probably deceiving to some. Sunday Fun Day!! But meal prepping is fun to me. I look forward to it every week. I LOVE LOVE LOVE these recipes I LOVE the way I feel after eating them (full) and I love what I am becoming and I love my GOLO life!! Sunday Fun day has a new meaning to this family. To us it is a day that starts our week out healthy. The healthier I get the more fun my family can have.

  My advice to anyone reading this today is. Take one day out of the week to cook. It makes life so much easier to deal with. It makes getting healthy easier than a lot of other programs and diets make it look like. With Golo I don't have to count calories or fat or anything. I follow the recipe put the servings in containers and eat. How easy is that!!? 

Have a great day. Till next time!


 

One day at a time

10-25-2019



              The day I found out I was pregnant with my first child is the day my life changed forever. I have had several days that changed my life forever in different way but this was the start of something different. Something I wanted very much something at that moment I loved more than anything I had ever loved.

       October 8, 2005 was the day I found out I was having a baby. I had only been with Troy for a little over a month and I was terrified he was going to not want to stay with me or not want the baby. Obviously he did even though we were very new in the relationship and honestly I didn't know for 100% if he was the father until we did our first ultrasound it all added up thank god.  I was wild party girl before I met Troy.

      Skip to the day Jude was born he was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. He just looked around the room, he didn't cry at first he was just so calm until they started cleaning him that made him mad. After Jude was born our life couldn't be more perfect. We got married had our healthy sweet baby boy then something changed. Something wasn't right with our baby. He was almost 14 months old and couldn't walk. He could stand up to things but couldn't take a step. We got first steps to come in and they got him walking. He was still slow though. My nephew is a year older than Jude and my little cousin was 2 years older and they were jumping around running. Normal 2 and 3 year old behavior. I didn't think anything of it at first we just thought oh he is just being careful. Mommy babies him to much ect.

      When the time came to potty train Jude it just did not happen. I took him to the doctor and he blew it off until I told him to run some blood work and see if there might be something wrong. The blood work came back as his liver enzymes were elevated so they ran the test again every 2 weeks for 8 weeks. Each time same results no answers. I finally threw a big fit because my 3 year old son was terrified of the doctor from all the pokes and we had no answers. I was so scared. So they sent him to Riley Hospital to a gastronologist. While in with her she told us in her years of being a doctor she had had 8 children come to her with the same symptoms and they had muscular dystrohy. She ordered the blood work and there is was. Now to find what kind.


      After we get the confirmation he has a type of muscular dystrophy we start going to a neurologist. Dr. Hamati. She is an amazing pediatric neurologist. She tells us he needs some genetic testing done to figure out what type of MD he has so we do that. It doesn't take but a few weeks for the results to come in. I can remember sitting in that doctors off to this day. It was January 11, 2011. I had my grandma with me and Jude. I was a nervous wreck. She walks in and says the words no parent wants to ever here. Your child has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. I sat there and said ok. I didn't know what DMD was. She gave me some information and set up another appointment and we left.

  When I get home I start reading up on Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy and my heart falls into the ultimate depths of hell. My son only had a life expectancy of 25 years. My sweet baby boy!!! Then I read it is passed down from the mother that made me lose my mind. Thinking I gave this to my baby. What have I done I can't live with myself if he dies knowing it was my fault. I had so many emotions. So many thoughts of how could this be happening to us.

    I ended up also having some genetic testing done to see if I was a carrier for DMD. I was not a carrier so the guilt I had felt was mostly gone. Then the anger of why hit. Why did my son have this horrible disease? What did I do for god to make my child sick? So many questions no answers!!

  I will tell you I fell into the biggest hole ever. Some days it was hard to even get out of bed but I knew I had to to take care of my son. He needed me more than ever and I needed him. Jude saved my life. I tell him this all the time. When I found out I was pregnant with him I was in such a deep depression and felt so alone. I partied a lot and was going down a downward spiral. After Jude's diagnosis I had those feelings of despair and depression coming back. 

  Jude is now 13. we have had a roller coaster ride since his diagnosis. On top of his DMD he has behavior issues. He has to take lots of medicine for that for his DMD and also for his heart.We have been very lucky with Jude on the most part. He is still mobile. His heart is stable with meds and the only breathing equipment he needs is a bi-pap. 


     To tell you a little about DMD it is the most common type of MD in children. Mostly boys it does affect girls but that is rare. DMD is passed down by the mother usually but there are cases where they are just born with it. Usually by the age of 12 the child loses their ability to walk and has to be in a power chair. It affects their heart and lungs. Several children a year pass away from complications from just getting a cold. A common cold is deadly to our children. Our children go into heart failure at young ages. The list goes on and on.

   So this was just a little bit about some of the things going on. Just a smidge. There is much much more. This diagnosis was a huge life changer to us. It was not planned it was not something we wanted but it is something we live with. Something we have to deal with on a daily basis. Something that has contributed to my depression and weight gain. Something I pray every day we will get a cure for. We can only take this life one day at a time.

       

October 24, 2019

  So I woke up this morning and thought to myself. I am going to actually do this. I am going to start a blog. I have been thinking about how to do this whether I wanted to Vlog or Blog and well I say UM to much to I decided to just Blog. I want to track my journey on weightloss and my struggle with everyday life. I am going to share how I actually get through each day juggling kids, doctors, homework, housework, and exercise. All while struggling with Depression, Anxiety, and obesity.

 Since today is my first day of this I will start with how I got to where I am today. I was born in February 1979. My parents were young and dumb haha. They got married in 1978 at the time of the big blizzard here in Indiana. That should have been a sign it was going to fail. But they had me a year later. I will get into some of the things that has happened back then in different posts. Today is just an overview. 

   So I am 40 years old. I have 4 kids I am married to the love of my life and I help my grandma with doctors and stuff. My oldest son is 13 years old and has Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. I have 3 other children ages 9, 7, and 7. My 9 year old son and 7 year old daughter are adopted and I also have a 7 year old son which I will also talk about all that later.

  I started my new journey March 16, 2019. I had been watching tv with my daughter and we saw a commercial and she said you should get that so I did. I will tell you what I could not be happier today!! It has been such a life changer for me. That day I got my first kit of GOLO I weighed 320 pounds. That is the heaviest I have ever been. I was at my all time low. My nerves were shot my depression was horrible but manageable.

  Over the last 6 months I have lost 50 pounds and 7 inches. I have learned how to eat healthy food that is not "diet" food. I have energy like never before. I work out 3 to 4 days a week on top of running errands like doctor appointments cleaning my house and being a full time mom. I feel better than I have ever felt in my entire life.

  I am looking forward to sharing my story . I may hurt some peoples feelings in some of my posts. I am sorry if that happens. I am speaking my truth how I see and saw things all through my history. Things are water under the bridge now. I am sharing because it has a lot to do with why I am how I am.